Sunshine with a Chance of Laughter

13 Dec

Dear Diary,

I’m happy today, there, I said it! I feel like a different person and I couldn’t be more bewildered by my change in mood. It’s like the windy weather has blown away my troubles and given me a new lease of life. I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a couple of weeks but I was busy trying to find a way out of that deep, dark, bleak, black hole I had found myself stuck in. Thankfully I didn’t approve of the living conditions down there, so I wrangled with my depression until I could stand on my own two feet again and pulled an Indiana Jones. Yes, I climbed out of the hole, dusted myself off and smiled. I think I’m also extremely lucky my face didn’t crack because it’s been a long time since I have found a reason to smile.

I know it’s important for me to continue this diary and explore my thoughts and feelings whatever mood I happen to be in. I want people out there to know there is light at the end of the tunnel when you think you have nothing else to live for. Even when you feel like your heart is breaking, you still need to fight, fight and never give up because this is the only life you will ever have. I guess what I’m trying to say is “Fight, live, love, laugh and be happy!”

Another issue I can’t gloss over anymore is the problem with the Job Centre and now I’m feeling so much better in myself, I know I can fight the decision they made when they stopped my money for two weeks. It caused an abundance of problems, sent my depression spiralling out of control and left me penniless. I guess the money I lost isn’t the most important aspect because the woman’s behaviour to me was what pushed me to break down there in the first place. I only wish people would realise how their actions can affect somebody’s state of mind when they suffer from a mental illness. An exchange of words might seem like a completely normal occurrence to you, but to me when I’m crumbling inside, it feels like a personal attack and heaps more emotions onto my already unsteady mind.

I also have no interest in alcohol, none at all. I only seem to drown myself in spirits when I’m desperate and alone. If anybody reading this ever feels so down they feel the urge to drink: don’t do it. Alcohol is one of those friends your parents never liked you spending time with. It corrupts you, leads you astray and soon enough you see the cracks start to appear in your friendship. You’re better off finding somebody to talk to, just talk and talk some more. Even writing down your feelings can help when your mind is racing. If you write down some thoughts that are bothering you it’s easier to help yourself and if you choose to seek help, you won’t find yourself in a maze of silence and confusion when it’s time to explain your heartfelt feelings.

I guess that’s enough for now.




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