Tag Archives: sad

Restless

14 Nov

Dear Diary,

It’s five to six in the morning and I’ve already been awake for a couple of hours. Why? I guess I just don’t know. There’s so much I can’t explain and I sometimes struggle to wade through my many thoughts on a daily basis.

I’m having one of those moments again. It’s times like this when I wake up far too early and it’s still dark outside. I feel like the silence is slowly eating away at my soul and sleep is escaping me like smoke billowing from an industrial sized chimney, coughing my depressive thoughts into the atmosphere.  If I lived in a country which exercised the death penalty, I would be the first woman to suffer such a fate for melting polar icecaps with my bleak, black thoughts.

In the song Pennyroyal Tea, Kurt Cobain uses the line, ‘I’m so tired I can’t sleep’ and that pretty much sums up how I feel right now. That and the numbness deep inside my soul is starting to wake. It’s being poisoned by sadness and the unhappiness is making my heart sink.

I can literally feel my mood dropping, sliding down a slippery slope and no matter what I tell myself, what I promise to do, I can’t seem to overthrow my feelings. My depression never takes my challenges seriously and the hurt expands inside me until the tears erupt from my eyes. But this is my life and I try my hardest to hang on while I promise myself one day I’ll be happy.

Well, I think I need to try and fall back to sleep. I’ve turned on the heating hoping the heavy warmth will lull me into unconsciousness. Do you think it will work? I’ll let you know if it does.

This is goodbye for now, thanks for giving me a place to collect and house my thoughts without bias.

– Raindrops

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